Japan's social fabric is woven with two intriguing threads: honne (本音) and tatemae (建前). These concepts shed light on how people adapt their words and actions to fit different situations, juggling their true feelings with societal expectations. For newcomers to Japan, especially those used to more direct communication styles, grasping these nuances can be a real eye-opener – and sometimes a bit of a challenge. But getting to grips with honne and tatemae is crucial for anyone looking to navigate Japanese social waters smoothly.
What Is Honne?
'Honne' refers to a person’s true feelings, desires, and opinions. It is what someone genuinely thinks or wants to express but might choose to keep hidden due to social norms or to avoid conflict. Honne is often reserved for close family members, intimate friends, or in private settings where one feels comfortable being candid.
For example, in a work environment, a person might disagree with a decision or feel overwhelmed by a task, but they might keep those feelings to themselves to maintain harmony in the workplace. This unspoken truth is their honne.
What Is Tatemae?
'Tatemae', on the other hand, represents the facade or public behaviour that a person displays to conform to societal expectations. It is the socially accepted, often polite response or action that aligns with what is expected in a given situation, even if it contradicts one’s true feelings (honne).
Tatemae is crucial in maintaining social harmony, especially in a culture that places high value on group consensus and avoiding confrontation. For instance, if someone is invited to an event but doesn't want to attend, they might still express gratitude and agree to go, even if they have no intention of showing up. This polite response is their tatemae.
How Honne and Tatemae Work Together
The coexistence of honne and tatemae is a fundamental part of Japanese social life. The duality allows individuals to navigate complex social situations without causing discomfort to others or disrupting group harmony. While this might seem disingenuous to those from cultures that emphasize directness, in Japan, it is seen as a way to maintain balance and respect in relationships.
This duality is not about deceit but about prioritizing the collective good over personal desires. It reflects the importance of 'wa' (和), or harmony, in Japanese society. By understanding and practising tatemae, individuals contribute to a smoother, more respectful social environment.
Examples of Honne and Tatemae in Daily Life
In the workplace: A junior employee might avoid directly challenging a senior colleague's opinion, even if they disagree. Instead, they might use indirect language or keep their thoughts to themselves, practising tatemae to respect the hierarchy.
In social situations: When asked if they enjoyed a meal, a guest might say "yes" out of politeness (tatemae), even if they didn’t particularly like it, to avoid offending the host.
In friendships: Close friends might share their honne, being more open and honest about their feelings. However, in more formal or less intimate settings, they might revert to tatemae to adhere to social norms.
Navigating Honne and Tatemae as a Foreigner
Understanding that honne and tatemae are part of the cultural fabric means being aware that what someone says may not always reflect their true feelings. For instance, if someone agrees to a plan but seems hesitant, it might be their tatemae at play. Picking up on subtle hints can help you gauge the real sentiment. Misunderstandings may still abound, as it can be difficult for a foreigner to tell when someone is just trying to be polite and when they're not, even when paying attention to subtle clues.
However, it can become easier over time with practice, especially when you consider that English speakers often do the same thing. Telling white lies so as to not hurt someone's feelings. Agreeing to something you don't really want to do because it's expected for your job. Going to the party your friend invited you to even when you'd rather stay home and watch TV in your pyjamas so you don't upset your friend.
While the extent to which this is done may not be exactly the same across cultures, it's common across the world to lie and pretend in order to make a social interaction go more smoothly or to avoid hurting someone's feelings. There's a reason why someone who doesn't play by those rules for whatever reason, whether they don't pick up social cues well or because they pride themselves on being 'brutally honest' may come across as being rude or insensitive. The Japanese may just do it a bit more than others.
Comments